


cold coffee

by electric_stydiax



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, Past Relationship(s), Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:55:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27363856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electric_stydiax/pseuds/electric_stydiax
Summary: Akaashi's memories of Bokuto leave him one by one, and it gradually tears them apart until nothing is left. Iwaizumi helps pick up what's left of Bokuto.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou/Iwaizumi Hajime
Comments: 7
Kudos: 17
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	cold coffee

Before

Memories are like cups of black coffee, warm at the start and bitter at the end, especially with ones as vivid as Akaashi’s. It started with forgetting when he would cook dinner, Bokuto gently reminding him, not thinking much of it.

Then it was important dates, even with reminders on his phone and sticky notes littered around the house.

“Keiji! Where are you? It’s almost time for dinner!” Koutarou murmurs, hoping his husband hears him from his office.

“Bokuto-san, I still have work. Could we possibly reschedule?” Akaashi responds, voice as dull as an unsharpened knife. The house is quiet for a moment as his husband processes what he said to him.

“Keiji, it’s our anniversary. Seven years since we’ve been together. I’m sure they’ll understand if you turn in your work tomorrow in the morning.” Bokuto replies, trying to sound calm. On the inside, he was ready to cry. Even after years of being reassured that some of his habits were normal, Bokuto’s insecurities still made a reappearance often.

_He’s tired of you, Bokuto. He doesn’t want to see you or be near you!_ The thoughts are cycling through, begging for an escape, hoping for Bokuto to fold under their weight.

“But, Akaashi, aren’t you hungry? You can’t keep going like this?” Bokuto asks, trying to coax his spouse to eat.

“Take someone else so you don’t lose the reservation, ok Bokuto-san?” Akaashi grumbles, trying to be kind to his partner.

Koutarou’s body dropped like a dead rose as he processed Keiji’s words. His body, for a moment, felt hollow, like the words scraped out his heart and left it to fester. 

“I’ll call Iwaizumi then. Good night, dear.” Bokuto sighs, feeling his disappointment tug at him more.

“Koutarou! How are you? I thought you’d be at dinner already?” Iwaizumi says into the phone, warmth pouring out of his voice, becoming a blanket to Bokuto’s upset.

“Keiji rain checked on me. Too much work he says. Iwa? Am I wrong for being upset?” Bokuto’s voice softens, nearly a whisper in Hajime’s ear.

“No. You wanted to celebrate how long you’ve been with him, and he didn’t object when you asked him a few weeks ago and yesterday. I’ll go to dinner with you, ok? Let me get dressed.” Hajime murmurs, moving quickly as possible to console his close friend.

Dinner was nice, as Hajime’s words made his body warm again, like a thick sweater during the snowstorm season. Bokuto managed to forget that this dinner was meant for him and Akaashi, and not Hajime, kind and reliable as he is.

Months pass and the days get colder. The phone rings, and they both pick it up, an automated voice playing coldly.

“I’m sorry to inform you that you suffer from Forgotten Memory Syndrome. The nature of it is terminal and has no cure. Additional resources will be sent in the mail to you. Thank you.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After

“Bokuto-san, we talked about this. I said I was ok with you hanging out with… Iwaizumi? Don’t look so guilty leaving me. I told you that you deserve someone who loves and remembers all of you, not just bits and pieces.” Akaashi murmured, his voice wavering a touch.

“This doesn’t make this any easier, Keiji. Like I told you, it’s either you or nobody at all. You’re my -“

  
  


“Bokuto-san. Soulmates don’t _forget_ each other. Soulmates don’t lose their memories of the other like sand running through fingers. My love for you shouldn’t have faded but it did, and gods I’m sorry but you deserve someone better! _Better than me, fucking hell!”_ Akaashi screamed, tears raging down his red cheeks.

  
  


“Keiji, listen to me. It’s ok if you don’t remember me, I’ll just try harder!” Bokuto says, trying to soothe him.

“Bokuto, you shouldn’t have to try harder! That’s my point! You don’t forget the ones you love! We know Iwaizumi doesn’t and can’t get the forgetting disease because he’s like you, he has soulmate visions. I’m begging you Bokuto-san, give him a chance.”

“No! **I can’t lose you too**! I have to-“

“They finalized our separation. We aren’t married anymore. You can go pursue Hajime, and I need you to do it. _Please_.”

On a Sunday, with cloudy skies and a fleece windbreaker Bokuto Koutarou ran into the arms of a tanned athletic trainer who tried to reconcile the relationship between a piece of the past and a piece of the present. 

  
  


“Hajime. Tell me you didn’t know Keiji filled the papers.” Bokuto hissed, sharp as brand-new knives. His eyes were cutting into Hajime’s eyes, yellow narrowing in on the jade green. 

“Hey, hey look at me. Tell me what happened while I make tea.” Hajime replied softly, trying to calm Bokuto.

“He filed the papers, citing his memory loss as to why. I thought I was enough, Hajime. Why am I not enough?” Bokuto whispered, tears rolling down his face. 

Hajime carries Bokuto to bed, laying the covers over him, humming as he brings him lavender tea. 

“He didn’t tell me anything. I’m finding this out right now, just like you are Kou. Have some tea? I know I can’t fix it, but let me help you. Please let me help you.” Hajime murmurs.

  
  


“How long have you loved me, Hajime? Why help me salvage my relationship if it tore you apart to do so? Why not be selfish?” Bokuto nearly screams, trying his damnedest to keep himself from crying again. 

“Your happiness means more to me. Why would I part the stars from the sky to fulfill my own petty wants? Why destroy a relationship when I could support you instead and help you secure your happiness, even without me by your side?” Hajime whispers, voice shaking as he spoke. The tears going down his face were warm, but his skin was cold, especially as Bokuto reached out to him.

“I don’t regret anything I did to help you be happy with Akaashi. I still want to help you heal, even if I fall apart trying.” Hajime slides tea over to Koutarou. He drinks it and for the moment, the warmth glues his battered heart together.

  
  


Now, memories are like warm tea, not as bitter as black coffee but not without an edge. Even with the honey and sugar, Hajime brought to his life, he still tasted the bitterness of Akaashi’s soul on the tip of his tongue, no matter how hard he tried to get rid of it for Hajime’s sake.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  I'm @Estydiax on Twitter! 


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